Emailing Studios

I have emailed quite a few studios over the past few weeks to try and get some sort of feedback / work placement. I don't think it has gone down too well. I have only received a minimal response, however I am planning to send out some printed collateral zoo to try and appeal to a more physical side. 

I thought it was a good process to go through but I feel that I need to focus my emails more. I have emailed some studios but i think i need to really work on my sentence and content to. 


List of Studios sent emails to:

TOKYO
CRUSH 
POKE
START JPG LONDON

This was the first draft of an email i sent out to one of the studios. I wanted to seem friendly but professional, however i feel it sounds very relaxed not informal so i will have to re-write it and send it off.